When you learn to say yes......

I don't know about you, but, at my ripe old age of 38, I am very set in what I consider to be my likes and dislikes. It is interesting how I manage to judge a book, a meal, a movie or any other thing based on my pre-conceived notions.

However, these last few months have taught me to be grateful.

Grateful to have people in my life who push me to read a book that I normally would not touch with a bargepole. Who insist that I join them for a multiple island tour on a local speedboat (a confirmed  "touristy-trap" tour from my standpoint) in Thailand. Who tell me that it is not important to only visit well known places to experience the history of India, since a lot of it is hidden in small towns located off the beaten path.

Yes, I am thankful to each of you, because without you, I would have missed out on so much!

The book-club celebrated its 5th anniversary and lo and behold, it was decided that I should be hosting it  (was it a coincidence, I think not!). We decided to dress up as our favorite character (thus the awkward mix of outfits in the above picture :).  As we all sat together and chatted about our favorite books over the course of these five years, I realized that each book mentioned by me was one that I normally would have dismissed as being too dark, too superficial or uninteresting.

Two of my dearest friends turn 40 this year and we decided to celebrate by heading to Thailand. (Yes, we have amazing spouses!!) Since the trip was to celebrate them, I sort-of decided to go along with the flow (a hard task for me, trust me). One of them was very keen on a 6 island tour, and I was getting nightmarish visions of baking all thru the day under unrelenting sun and possibly ending up getting a sunstroke. Anyways, we each gamely paid up and reached the pier. Once we sat in the speed boat and the tour started, I realized that it was possibly one of the best outings of our vacation! To get into caves that were full of stalactites and stalagmites, to canoe thru hidden cave pools, to hike thru an island, eat Thai food at a restaurant made on stilts, to end up swimming in amazingly calm water at sunset. Yes, I can safely say, that another myth/misgiving gave way.

This year's annual holiday to DH's parent's place included a trip to Mandu. It is a small town in MP about which I was vaguely told that it had some ruins from Rani Roopmati. Of course my first question was where were we staying and now that my mother-in-law is fairly familiar with me, she chose to keep the answer generic and all I was told was that "it is the best hotel there". Well, armed with 2 kids and the rest of the family, we took the car ride to Mandu and reached the hotel. We decided to start some of the touring immediately and headed to "Jahaz Mahal" (Ship Palace). When we walked through the doors, we really did not know what to expect. To say that we were blown away will be an understatement. The Archeological Society of India has done a fantastic job improving the ruins of this city since 2005. Beside the Palace, there was the Jami Masjid (Mosque), Roopmati's Narmada lookout point, the echo point, Neelkanth Temple and so many more exquisite places to stop and enjoy - each was an eye-opener. It reminded me of the rich history of India and the craftsmanship that resonates within the artisans today as well.

Had I not learned to say yes, would I have been richer for having read books that I would have bypassed? Would I have managed to accomplish that beautiful sense of peace I felt in that uninhabited beach in Thailand? Would I have been mesmerized by the stories of Baz Bahadur and Roopmati? I think not.

Whether we are 38, 58 or 78 - the honest truth is that we can experience so much more in life, if we just allow ourselves to say "yes".
   
Included here is a brief recipe of a dish I created based on "The Guernsey Literary And Potato Peel Pie Society". (Yes, we also had to make dishes inspired by our favorite books!).

Vegetable and Potato Pie

 

For the Mashed Potatoes:

5 Medium Parboiled Potatoes Grated

1/2 cup Thick Cream

1/2 Cup Parmesan Cheese Grated

2 tbsp. Butter

1 generous pinch of Nutmeg Powder

Salt and Pepper to taste

For the Mixed Vegetable Base:

7 Cups of Your Favorite Vegetables prepped (chopped and boiled, as needed)

(I used Bell Peppers, Peas, Zucchini, Broccoli, Baby Corn, Carrots etc.)

1 tbsp. Butter

2 tsp Grated Garlic

1/4 tsp Red Chili Flakes

1/2 tsp Sugar

Salt and Pepper to taste

 

For the Sauce:

Tomato Sauce Made with 4 Boiled and Peeled Tomatoes, 2 Garlic Cloves and 1 Roasted Onion

1 tbsp. each of Butter and All Purpose Flour

1/2 tsp Sugar

Salt and Pepper to taste

 

2 tbsp. Parmesan Cheese for Sprinkling

Start by heating butter in a pan and adding the chili flakes and garlic. Add the chopped bell pepper and cook for 2 mins. Then gradually add the remaining vegetable together with the spices and allow to cook for at least 10-15 mins on a low flame. Puree the ingredients of the tomato sauce. Make a roué using the butter and flour mix and instead of adding milk, add the tomato sauce. Cook together till it comes to a boil. Mix the vegetables and the sauce in a large wok and set aside.

In a bowl, add the grated potato and combine with all the ingredients till the mixture is smooth and even in texture. Put the mashed potatoes in a piping bag.

Spread the vegetables in a buttered baking dish and pipe the mashed potatoes on top. Sprinkle some additional parmesan cheese on top and bake at 350 degree Celsius for 20 mins and on the Broil setting for 2-3 mins. Serve hot!

 

As I have found, the more we open ourselves to suggestions, the more enriched we each become. So, do me a favor and the next time someone offers you a new experience, say yes. 

 



 

How much are you willing to expose?

Have you had that feeling? The one where you wonder - am I the only person in the world who does this? Like, walking the length of the public restroom to find the most inconspicuous stall, hoping that others would go for the more obvious, closer and convenient ones. Trying on clothes and finding it fits but then going back to the display area and picking the same exact piece in the same exact size, except it would be an unopened one (or so I think). Choosing the second to top plate in the buffet table, just in case the top one is dirty.

My guess is that I should stop just about now. Maybe, based on reading the above, you have already concluded that I am certifiable!!

Seriously though, aren't we all in our own way, full of individual idiosyncrasies? Is that not what makes us fun and unique?

I realized that as individuals, we are simply like icebergs, so much more inside than outside. What others see and what we allow them to see is just the tip. There are so many things about ourselves that we choose to keep guarded. Possibly because we assume we will be judged or feel like we are the only ones who think in this way.

In course of chatting with a dear friend, I told her about one of my beliefs (sounds better than idiosyncrasy wouldn't you say?). I must mention here that we were out for an evening walk. She actually stopped in her track and looked at me for a few seconds. Then she hugged me and told me that I have so much more depth than most people possibly realize (yes, I too was wondering at this point whether I had received a compliment or an insult).

To be able to speak my mind and get such a beautiful reaction to the same (yes, I chose to take it as a compliment), made me reflect further. It made me realize that it is better to be yourself and get accepted wholly than live half your life in your head wondering am I the only one doing this.....

Before we get too side tracked with my beliefs, let me share a quick to make and yummy to eat salad recipe with you. This version of Gado-Gado was modified in my head after reading multiple versions of its recipe. Hope you try it too! 

Gado-Gado

 For the dressing:

Fresh Coconut milk 1 and 1/4 cup using 1/2 cup coconut and 1 cup hot water

1 chopped onion

2 grated garlic cloves

1/4 inch grated fresh ginger

1 tsp peanut oil

1 tbsp. brown sugar

1/4 tsp chili powder

1/4 cup peanut butter

1 tsp of vinegar

Salt to taste

Blend the coconut and water and strain the milk. Heat the oil and add the onions and garlic to it. Cook till the onions become transparent and then add the milk and the ginger. Stir continuously and allow to come to a boil. Add the remaining ingredients and allow to cook for 2-3 mins till it thickens slightly. The dressing will be poured on the salad while it is still warm.



Salad:

 1 package tofu sliced and cooked in 2 tsp of peanut oil

1 cup red cabbage sliced thinly

1 cup potatoes sliced thinly and cooked till crispy in peanut oil

1/2 cup sliced green beans

1 cup carrots thinly sliced

1 cucumber sliced

1/2 cup bean sprouts

2 eggs hard-boiled

2 tbsp. of roasted peanuts

Some cilantro for garnish

Take the cabbage and bean sprouts and place in boiling water for a few seconds and drain and cool immediately. Par boil the carrots and the beans.

 



Arrange all the veggies and the tofu in a platter and place the sliced boiled eggs in the center. Sprinkle with peanuts and cilantro. Pour the warm dressing on top and enjoy this heartiest of salad!!

 

When you eat this salad, each bite will delight you with its texture, taste and flavors. A lot like people....the more you meet them and talk to them, the more depth you see in them and the more pleasantly they surprise you.



 

The Geyser Syndrome

Boy, was I surprised at a recent dinner party! It started very simply by me mentioning that between DH and I, we don't mention the "G" word. "G" here referring to "geyser" of course.

Of course, we were then asked, why not mention geysers? Well, I think this brings us to a deep rooted issue that lies in every relationship. It can be the geyser, it can be the gas indicator needle in your car, it can be the way you keep your clothes in the closet etc. etc.

For eg., I like the geyser to be switched on for at least 20 mins and DH thinks 5 mins are enough. I drive the car to the nearest gas station when the indicator shows a gas level of a quarter tank, whereas DH typically waits for the fuel light to turn on. I have a closet that is best left closed (but, I must admit that I NEVER have enough clothes!) and DH's clothes are organized by office, lounge and party (and God knows what not!). I can go on and on and on.

Essentially, the "G" word refers to the sometimes very basic difference in the mindset of couples - that unfortunately become insurmountable as you get older.

This was further proven by this amazing couple who had invited us over for the dinner party. My mention of the "G" word was the perfect trigger for them to come up with their own subtle and not-so-subtle differences of opinion. It helped that they had at least 20 additional years of married experience compared to us and that we were laughing uproariously as we were discussing our respective "Gs". At the end of the evening, we realized an important fact - "WE ARE NOT ALONE!"

And can I tell you what a huge relief that was? It just makes it easier for me to ignore the switched off geyser in the morning (I simply switch it back on); the witty comments about my paranoia of running out of gas (I simply let him sweat it out when the fuel light comes on and the nearest gas station is a long ways away); and, the snide comments about the lack of organization in my closet (I simply keep my closet closed).

Two people are together for so many reasons that make the being together worthwhile. We all come with our little genetic make-up and personality traits. The decision to let DH be himself, while I find a sane way to stay myself, has saved me innumerable times!!

Which is why I am sharing the recipe of this delicious veggie lasagna with you. After all, what we show of ourselves on the surface, is just that, surface material. It is our hidden depths that create the lovely flavors that make our relationships so much more delicious.  

Vegetable Lasagna

(serves 4)

 

6 sheets of ready made lasagna sheets cooked slightly al dente in salted boiling water

2 cups of marinara sauce (homemade using your favorite recipe)

1/2 cup of alfredo sauce (white sauce)

3-4 cups of mixed vegetables sautéed in olive oil with chili flakes and garlic and salt (I used broccoli, carrots, green beans and bell peppers) 

 1 cup of grated paneer

1 cup of grated Gouda cheese (you can use Mozzarella, if you prefer)

2 tbsp. parmesan cheese (optional)



Preheat oven to 180 degrees Celsius. Start by buttering an 8" square baking dish. Spread 2 tbsp. of alfredo sauce on the base of the baking dish. Top with 2 sheets of cooked lasagna placed next to each other. Add half the vegetables on top of the sheets and spread one third of the marinara sauce on top. Spread half the paneer on the veggies and one third of the grated cheese.

Continue the layering by adding another set of cooked sheets on the veggie and cheese layer. Pour half of the remaining alfredo sauce on the sheets and then add the remaining vegetables, one third of the marinara sauce, remaining paneer and one third of the cheese.

Finally, place the last set of cooked lasagna sheets on top, add the remaining alfredo sauce, marinara sauce and the cheese. Add some parmesan cheese, if you have handy.

Bake for 25-30 mins and serve piping hot! This is truly my very healthy and non complicated version of one of my favorite Italian meals. Best combined with a crispy salad and a buttery garlic bread!!

Everything takes work - whether it is cooking a meal or working on your relationships. The best part about both is discovering the layers beneath the surface and relishing them even more!!
 

Not to trifle with.....

As I was browsing through my movie options on a Transatlantic flight, I decided to watch a recent release called "Still Alice". If I have to be honest, it was not my first or for that matter third pick either. However, some curiosity surrounding Alzheimer and my general appreciation for Julianne Moore's talent resulted in me hitting the play button.

To say that the movie made me re-evaluate a lot of things that we take for granted would be an understatement! For those who are not familiar with the movie, it is about a professor, who is a part of a very close-knit family, and gets diagnosed with early onset of Alzheimer.

Ever wondered what keeps you sane on your bad days? The days when you have a particularly intense argument with your spouse, when your 7 yr old rolls his eyes at your request for him to take responsibility, or everything that can possibly go wrong at work, does.

For me, the answer is simple. It is recollecting the good days. The day DH and I laughed together at a particularly silly remark which only we understood. The depth of emotion I felt when my son was born. The night my client called my boss at 1 a.m. and told him that he has an amazing person in his team.

To imagine that me or anyone else starts to lose the beautiful memories that make us who we are, the memories that tie us to who we love and the ones that keep us going against all odds - it just feels gut-wrenching.

It also makes you realize the importance of holding on to the present moments. The smell of wet grass after the first rain showers of the season, the kiss that your son ran back and gave you before heading to the school bus, the thank you note from a friend who truly cherished her time with you.

One of my favorite memories from childhood is an aunt making and bringing trifle pudding. To me, there was no better dessert. It just seemed to combine the best of everything I loved - jelly, cake, custard, fruits, all topped with some whipped cream for that small touch of decadence. Of course, as an adult, all I could imagine when I contemplated making the same was the calorie count that it would come with :(

Then it struck me- what I needed was "portion-control"!!! How silly on my part? If I make it in a jar, I can only eat so much....right? Here is my easy and so very delicious version of the ever loved trifle pudding!

Trifle in a Jar

 

1 packet strawberry or raspberry jelly and related ingredients

3 tbsp. of Vanilla Custard Powder made with 1 cup milk and 2 tbsp. sugar

1/3 cup vanilla ice cream (optional)

Some plain sponge cake (I used store bought)

1/2 cup seasonal fruits of your choice

It starts exactly like all trifles do - with some delicious raspberry or strawberry jelly made as per package instructions. The only difference was that I made some in a flat bottom dish and cut into cubes after it had time to set and put some in the base of a mason jar for getting set.

While the jelly is setting, make some vanilla custard using the above noted ingredients and once it is cooled, add the ice cream to it. This will ensure that the custard becomes smoother and lighter and of course, tastier :)

Keep your fruits cut and ready for the compilation. I used mango and seedless black grapes.

Start the layering by adding the fruits then cake pieces and pour some custard on the set jelly. Then add some jelly cubes and repeat with the fruits, cake pieces and custard again. Top with some jelly cubes as a garnish.

Make a little extra in a ramekin after all, you do want to share...or it can always come handy tomorrow :)

Memories appear trifle when you live through them....they just become a delicious blend of everything nice when they get accumulated over time.



Strangers no more......

How would you react, if a simple offer to have 4 backpackers traveling on a budget of USD15/day (completely unknown to you) stop at your home for a short while to do some errands, get connected - somehow transforms into multiple meals, good conversations and having them stay the night and assisting them through a quandary? Sometimes, life IS stranger than fiction!!

 

So, it started with DH telling me that there were 4 college grads coming to our place on Saturday to get their laundry done. The background given to me was as follows:

- these boys were on a 3 month backpacking trip through India and Nepal

- they had been traveling for a month already

- one of the boys was a nephew of a colleague

And, if like me, you too are married, you will realize that the above information is a LOT to receive from one's spouse!

 

Anyways, between the kids classes and my own agendas, I sort of forgot about our brief chat (which should not come as a surprise if you have been married for more than single digit years!). Suddenly, my cell rings and Joe (name changed) is on the other end telling me that they are on their way to our place. Yep, I suddenly rush home for some quick clean-up and await the arrival of the boys.

 

When they walked in, I realized that calling them "boys" was a bit of a misnomer when describing these 6' - 6.4' tall men in their 20s.

 

So they arrive, settle down in the guest room, get the Wi-Fi password, make their calls, fill up the laundry basket with clothes that are best not described, and go about their business. I offer to make them some breakfast and they reluctantly agree.

 

Breakfast consists of fresh fruits, bell pepper and spring onion frittata, pancakes (with real maple syrup), toast and freshly squeezed orange juice. All followed by large mugs of Malaysian coffee.

 

Let's just say that the only complaints heard around the dining table were - "please pass me the butter" and "more pancakes please".

 

As the lunch hour neared, we suggested a local Mexican restaurant, which in our books served some of the more authentic fare.  Over lunch, we chatted and I asked how their parents agreed to let them come so far for so long. To which Joe responded, "I simply told them that I knew someone in India", as he teasingly looked at DH. You can imagine our reactions!! Yes, always be cautious, because, sitting wherever you are, you simply never know who is using your reference to get an idea sanctioned that normally should be coming with multiple warnings!!!!

 

Not to bore you with details of their stay with us - I will simply add that we suggested they attend a reggae event at a local music café, and check out local highlights like the Bangalore palace, Lalbagh, MG Road etc. and bid them our byes. Then they headed to the bus station to catch an overnight sleeper to Hampi.

 

Life is never simple, is it? We get a call two days later, and are informed that Joe has "lost" his passport, credit cards, camera, cash etc. and they are coming back to Bangalore. And they were back at 7 a.m. the next day!

 

They were stressed and unhappy about possibly missing out on a visit to Nepal. Joe gets busy cancelling his credit cards, calling his parents, getting money transferred, getting his passport applications printed and filled. Sadly, there is an undercurrent of disappointment that is hard to describe in words. After all, they had embraced every bit of the country (from the unusual food to the occasional schemer auto driver to the famous Indian head nod, to the getting-an-answer-for-everything-even-if-the-person-giving-it-has-no-idea to so much more) and maybe became somewhat lax in their alertness in doing so.

 

The breakfast consisted of fresh fruits, scones, zucchini bread, scrambled eggs, toast with corn topping (see recipe below) and fresh orange juice. Yes, they were not in a great mental state, but, I think the tension between them eased a bit over breakfast.

 

To cut a long story short, an FIR was lodged, the tickets for their Nepal trip was cancelled, new plans made, Joe was sent to get passport picture taken (with a stop at the local barber to get rid of the beard).

 

The boys took a train to Delhi and we breathed a sigh of relief that they were all set and that the Embassy in Delhi will take care of the rest.

 

Are you thinking it is over?

 

Two days later we receive a call from the hostel owner at Hampi, informing us that Joe's passport was mailed back by the perps to the local post office!!

 

How often do you think this happens? A stranger's family takes you and your friends in; a small set back happens, but, again you get all the support and help to get through it; your friends stick by you and re-set their plans; a thief returns what he does not need and you are able to make the journey to the Himalayas....

 

What this whole experience has taught me, is that there is an amazing sort of Karma that gets created when you start an adventure with an open mindset.

 

You can get embraced anywhere - you just need to open yourself to others.

 

P.S. - A special note to Joe's mother. Please don't worry about thanking us. We truly did it out of adventure, enjoyment and a small hope that whenever our boys venture out for something like this, they too get someone who takes them in - unconditionally.

 

P.P.S - However, you are welcome to thank me for getting rid of Joe's beard :). After all, one mom understands another's woes!!

 Corn on Toast

(makes 4 toast toppings)

 

3/4 cup frozen corn defrosted

1 cup hot milk

1 tbsp. butter

1 tbsp. all purpose flour

Green Chili chopped fine (optional)

1/4 tsp sugar

Salt and black pepper to taste

4 slices of bread toasted with butter spread on it

 

Make a roux using flour and butter. Ensure that you cook over medium heat till the flour no longer smells raw. Add hot milk, to the mixture, while stirring continuously. The sauce will start thickening almost immediately.

 

Add the corn, green chili, salt, sugar and pepper.

Serve over hot toast and enjoy truly an amazing breakfast!!!

 

When you serve your guests, your favorite meals, it does not take long to make them "feel at home"!!

 

 

 

 

 





My cousin's wedding

And I have just discovered all the critical reasons why attending an Indian wedding in its full glory should be on each person's bucket list!!! Yes, I have recently returned from my cousin's wedding in Calcutta and it was a brilliant experience in more ways than one! Here you go.....

- You get to take at least 5 days off from work, that too guilt free!! After all, the wedding date is decided keeping various factors in mind and none of those are in your control. SO, if the wedding celebrations start on Monday and end on Friday - oh well....it was all written in the stars :)

- You get a whole new trousseau. Yep, its not just the bride who gets to shine in an Indian wedding!! Each of her sisters, sisters in law, aunts, aunts in law etc. have to get their fair share of attention and glory. I mean what can be more fun than purchasing saris and dresses in rich hues and textures with exquisite embroidery?

- The jewelry that you got when you were married, finally gets aired!! I mean come on, which one of us goes around wearing heavy, gold-diamond based jewelry sets on a regular basis? 

- The bonhomie created by the gathering of family, friends, well-wishers is truly amazing and makes you re-think the depth of family ties. You re-discover the pleasures of hanging with your cousins - from borrowing make up, to doing each other's hair, to drinking together and ordering pizza at 2 a.m.! Simply put - endless fun!!!

- Getting beautifully patterned henna applied together is truly very soulful- it results in the family members singing and dancing as they await their turn; helping each other apply lemon juice and mustard oil on the henna designs (to increase the depth of the henna color) and usually ends with a comparison of the designs and the extent of color the next day as they tease each other about how the color showcases the depth of their spouse's love for them!

- Did I mention the dancing yet? Yes, from the time the first event starts till the time the bride comes to her new home - the dancing does not stop. I think we look for excuses to dance (or maybe it is just me!). All it takes is for someone to start some music and here we go....after all, some form of exercise is critical in consideration of our constant food consumption!!!

- Having an ironwallah on call, a shoe polisher on duty, multiple beauticians to tend to all your last minute needs is not too shabby either!

- Then there are the games!! Yes, the small ice-breaking games between the groom and the bride with the respective families cheering on makes it super fun to show our inner raucousness. I mean, how else will the new bride get to know her new family. These games (finding a coin in the midst of petals and saffron hued water; opening each other's wrist single-handedly; undoing a set of 7 knots tied super tight, while using 1 hand!!) makes one realize the purpose and depth in our traditional rituals and ceremonies. 

- If you ever wanted to feel like a celebrity, you don't have to go too far. Just stay close to the bride and the groom and suddenly you will have the cameramen and the photographers going click happy. This will ensure a truly memorable coverage of your attendance in the picture albums and wedding videos.

- Saved the best for the last! Food, food and more food!! Honestly, there were almost 300+ types of food items tried by me over the last few days and not one of them were repeated!!! Yes, its true! From chaat parties, to barbeques, to Chinese meals, Bengali style veggies, Rajasthani thalis, Mexican fajitas, Sushi rolls, Appam with stew, Italian cuisine, Thai and Burmese dishes - you name it and it was all there. A trip around the world of cuisines in 5 days would be the best way to describe my experience!

Just to tempt your taste buds, I took some pictures of the food. This should provide some interesting inspiration when you start planning your next meal. From top left - dosa and puchka stands; potato tikki being prepared live; chanachur wala at the picnic; tawa vegetables; jalebis; paneer filled missi rotis and in the center live counter for pasta.



A wedding in the family is a lot more than the marriage of two individuals. It is a merging of two families, a revisiting of family values and a realization that blood is thicker than water.